Anyway, my faith has been suffering the last several years. Growing up, I either went to church with my grandparents or aunt and uncle, but starting in high school that kind of stopped. After the divorce, my parents began to focus on me having fun on the weekends so they could be the fun parent... that never really included church. Mama and I started going back to church but we just didn't think that particular church was the right fit for us.
Then Daddy died. I was so angry with God for taking him away from me when I was only 19. I couldn't see that this was part of His plan. It's only been in the last six months or so that I've really done a 180 about this.
I started going to the church I attend now when Mr. Preppy and I were dating. His family and a ton of my friends and coworkers attend church there, so it seemed completely natural. It is a good fit for me, and I was always eager to go every Sunday, but with Mr. Preppy working every Saturday night at first and then not living here, it just got pushed to the wayside. When I started struggling more personally with everything last fall, I began to pray. Heavily. And my answer was basically get your behind to church and things will work out.
And did they... I'm in a MUCH better place now that I've stopped trying to make things happen for myself. There's a quote I read the other day that truly explains how I've transitioned:
"There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God says, 'All right, then, have it your way.'" - C. S. Lewis
I went from the second kind to the first kind. Knowing I have absolutely no control is frightening, but at the same time it's comforting... no matter what I do, the plan will continue as it is meant to. I feel that everything is working out for me as He has intended, no thanks to me trying to mess everything up. That includes my personal life, career, friends, family, school plans... everything. For this Type A girl, it's been a struggle... but one well worth it.
Again, I apologize if talking about this offends anyone, I just want to be as open with y'all as you are with your readers. :)