Monday, January 31, 2011

I'm Alive...

But that's about all that I'm certain I am. I'm unhappy. I'm frustrated. I'm intensely miserable and depressed. I'm confused about... well, a lot. I can't seem to get a grip on what I feel or what I want and I'm not sure how that happened.

The sobbing in the shower (hopefully) will not be repeated... but no promises are being made. I've cried every day for some reason over the last week. I started crying listening to my iPod on the way to work this morning, so I'm not exactly sure what the trigger is.

I don't know if it's stress and anxiety, but part of me thinks it's not. I'm familiar with those two, we go way back. This... this just feels like something new.

Honestly, I was chalking it up to PMS, but this overwhelming feeling of dread and kaleidoscope of emotions is lasting waaay too long for that to be it.

I just don't know... I'm most likely going to be venting (mostly incoherently) for a while.

Thank you for all the pick-me-ups, I have the best readers in the world!

Friday, January 28, 2011

Sobbing in the shower on a Friday night probably isn't the best sign of things to come... Update soon.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Agenda

On the to-do list for today?
  1. Work from 12-4 (I'm staying at my holiday job for weekends... keeping a little additional income plus my discount.)
  2. Return some things to Banana Republic.
  3. Figure out outfits for work (mall) tomorrow and the rest of the week (new job!).
  4. Buy plane tickets Tampa for the wedding I'm in in several weeks.
  5. Coordinate flights with Preppy in Pumps, who is flying down from Knoxvegas.
  6. Figure out how to book our hotel room and split it three ways.
  7. Try on my bridesmaid dress that FINALLY arrived so we can pin and hem it up (crossing my fingers that my slightly chunky arse has not spread any wider and that the dress will still fit correctly...).
Convince Mr. Preppy to go see Life As We Know It at the $2 theater tonight -- I've seen it, but he hasn't, and I want to see it again. I'm trying to convince him with the whole "set in Atlanta, Josh Duhamel works for the Hawks, rides a motorcycle" stuff of boy-interest.

What are you lovelies doing today?

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Remember this post? I was very upset... very hurt and angry that people would go out of their respective ways and leave negative comments. The world doesn't need that kind of extra negativity floatin' around it, which is why I chose to dis-allow it by doing moderated comments.

Truthfully, no negative comments have been attempted since, so I'm hoping that means these Negative Nancy's (Nancies?) have un-bookmarked and un-targeted my blog as an outlet for their frustrations.

So, after much contemplation (really, I'm not 100% positive I want to do this, if it backfires it will only add to the stress I'm under right now), I have decided to let y'all comment without being moderated.

And I'd like to thank all of you that left a comment on the last post. Things are still up in the air, but the cream really does seem to be working miracles again. I'm waiting on referrals to both an allergist and a dermatologist to come through, and to be able to work around my upcoming teaching schedule to make appointments. I love and appreciate each and every one of you, thank you again for all of your support, from the bottom of my heart.

XOXO,

Monday, January 10, 2011

Undiagnosed

Shortly after Christmas, I developed a tiny bump on my right cheek. It felt similar to a mosquito bite so I assumed that's what it was (forgetting entirely that it is winter and I haven't seen a mosquito in several months). I scratched at it a little, but I wasn't overly concerned. I put some hydrocortisone cream on it and went to bed. The next morning around 6:30 I woke up to that spot being a little more red (which I attributed to picking at it in my sleep, which I usually do) and a general red splotchy-ness across my left cheek, which I brushed off as pressure spots and pillow creases.

Fast forward to 8:00. I walked in the bathroom to check on the "bite," only to see that the splotchy-ness had NOT gone away and had actually gotten worse. It was a noticable rash in a butterfly pattern on either side of my face. I texted Mama a picture and called her so she could tell me what to do. She told me to call the doctor ASAP and to call into work since she thought I could be contagious.

I went to my OB/GYN since I used to work for him and he would see me without charging me (although on a sidenote, I was allowed to go back on Mama's insurance as of January 2nd, but since this was before then, I was a uninsured). Between my doctor and two of the nurses in the office we came up with the following list of possibilities: allergy (food or other) that has developed at this point in my life, unusual detergents (which I haven't been around), hair products landing on my washcloths that I use for my face (since my volume spray and hairspray and other junk circulates through my bathroom when I spray it or have the hairdryer on, it's possible it got onto the washcloths that are folded near the shower), or lupus.

Yup, lupus. If you aren't familiar the name, it is an autoimmune disorder. It symptoms can include a butterfly rash on the face (check) and achy feelings similar to pre-flu symptoms (check for two days before the rash appeared), as well as shortness of breath (check) and anemia (check). It can be triggered by extreme stress (let me remind you I'm on anti-anxiety and antidepressants as a DIRECT result of the stress I have been under for roughly the last two years.) and can also cause a worsening in depression and anxiety. Cue the freak-out.

After us all agreeing we couldn't pinpoint the exact cause, he put me on a 6 day steroid regimen and called in some steroid cream for my face, and proceeded to make me promise I wouldn't stress because that would only make it worse (this was the Thursday before my Monday interview). I went to Kroger to pick up my medicine and children literally got grossed out at my face... I felt like the Beast.

Anyway, it cleared up enough by my interview that I could cover it with makeup, so I basically just wrote it off as a fluke thing that would be funny later. Except...

Now it's back. It's not as strong as it was before, but it is definitely a butterfly rash on either side of my face. I've been using my steroid cream for the last two nights (I just noticed it after I took my makeup off Saturday night), but it hasn't gotten any better. It also hasn't gotten any worse, but it is starting to itch again. To top it off, my doctor's office is closed due to weather (we got a snow day today, yay for pajamas and peppermint hot chocolate), so I can't get him to see me unless I go to his house (yes, I could do that if I wanted. Palmetto Preppy's mama is also his nurse, so I could just go to her house and have her look at it, too. Sadly, the snow and ice have my car blocked into my driveway since our house is at the top of a steep hill so I can't do either of those.), which I can't do today. I'm waiting until tomorrow to see if it gets any better, but if I can still see it AT ALL I will be calling him and going to see a dermatologist and/or allergy specialist.

Please keep your fingers crossed that I've just developed an allergy to something... I'm not sure how I would handle having something more severe.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

News...

So...

I GOT THE JOB!

I will be teaching social studies study skills for the Georgia High School Graduation Test at a rural Georgia school, which isn't my first choice, but it IS a way to get my foot in the door and a way to get where I want to be. Everything has happened pretty quickly, and I will actually be starting on the 12th instead of the 18th if everything goes well at the school board meeting on the 11th. From what the principal has said, there is no reason to believe that things won't go through.

I am heading back down there tomorrow to get fingerprinted and have my background check done and start on all the housekeeping things.

Now, I can focus on praying for Mr. Preppy to get a job back here!

Monday, January 3, 2011

Today's interview was my first for a teaching position. That being said, I feel that it went extremely well, but I have nothing to compare it to, so it could have gone horribly for all I know. The run down on the job is this:
  • 5 month contract, no benefits BUT I will get a first year teaching salary so that will help (not to mention after two years, I'm finally back on Mama's insurance - the ONLY part of that bill that I don't discuss I find beneficial - so that won't really be an issue)
  • position is for teaching study skills for students who haven't passed the state graduation test in social studies (basically making sure they are able to pass and graduate because it's their last chance to do so)
  • floating position (meaning I will have no classroom to myself... I will use empty rooms throughout the day and have a desk in one of the rooms)
  • in a rural county 40 miles away where the entire system is under a million grants and other plans that put severe restrictions and requirements on the school
  • fabulous resources in each classroom - laptops for students, interactive white boards in every room, any supply you need
I've heard from someone that I know at the school that I'm the front-runner for the position, but until they recommend whoever to the board for hiring on the 11th, I won't officially know anything.

I've also started Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred AGAIN since the last time I tried it I came down with something midway through. I am in a good friend's wedding February 5th and before the holidays I didn't need any alterations to my dress except hemming and I REFUSE to have it let out, so I will be getting toned if it kills me.

Procrastinating before an interview...

Just a quick note before I head out to my first big-girl job interview... wish me luck!

No suit (I argue over whether as a teacher you truly need one or not), but I am going to be in a professional, yet cute and entirely teacher-appropriate outfit:

Black Banana Republic Trousers
White Lilly Pulitzer Ruffle-y Oxford (I can't remember the exact name, but it has tiny ruffles at the cuffs, down the buttons, and instead of a collar)
Green Banana Republic Argyle Raised Weave Cardigan
Black Nine West Heels
Tiffany Bow Necklace
Banana Republic Glass Pearl and CZ studs
HandPicked Monogrammed Charm on my pearl bracelet
...and finally, my ginormous new bag that is doubling as a briefcase today... yes, it is that big.