Friday, October 9, 2009

Open Letter to the Patients

Dear Patients (that provide me with a job, so please disregard the following)...

Please don't wait until Friday after 12 to call the office for a refill, appointment, or just to chat it up with us. Half of our office is off each Friday afternoon. Things take time. If you get a voicemail after I transfer you, please LEAVE A MESSAGE. I promise, everyone is required to check their voicemail and return EVERY CALL. Please do not keep pressing "0" to come back to me... asking if we have the flu shot in is NOT an emergency. In addition, WRITE DOWN YOUR APPOINTMENT TIME. I understand things happen and you may forget. Once. But (yes, I'm talking to you Ms Neurotic that I speak to every day) when you call me every day and have gotten to know my voice and so you specifically ask for SASCHA (not my name, folks, not my name) to verify that, yes, in fact, your appointment is still on that day at that time, you drive me closer and closer to the padded room of my dreams.

Please know who you need to talk to. Simple guidelines - billing, ask for billing, nurse/dr, ask for nurse, appointments, ask for the appointment desk, medical records, ask for records... seems simple enough. Please listen to the person as they answer the phone. When I say "Appointment desk, this is [name that isn't Sascha], how can I help you today?" don't 1) say "is this the appointment desk?" or 2) say "I need an appointment" and leave it at that. I do not like dragging information out of you. Be prepared to tell me who your doctor is (and KNOW who your doctor is. I work at an OB/GYN office people, know who's looking at your lady bits!). Also, your doctor is Dr. So-and-so, NOT Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. or Miss... maybe in England, but not over here. They paid their money, they went to school, they did their time, they deserve the title.

When I have dreams that involve patient phone calls, they're not pleasant. And that shows that you people are finally getting to me. And that (ironically enough) I have no patience left. Did several of you get together and say, "hey, let's make Sascha's [again, NOT my name] life miserable and add to the GAD she already has?" Did you?!

Thank you,
NOT Sascha

P.S. Hearing my rants through the office that sound amazingly like this, my doctor has decided I finally need medication for me to handle my anxiety... apparently I feel things "deeper" than most people and am therefore more easily irritated/annoyed/ticked off/ homicidal. I have long suffered from GAD and panic attacks (especially from tests, I have to take a brown bag with me during finals so I can remember to breathe into them when I feel one coming), and I'm pretty positive Mr. Preppy is excited because I won't start sobbing so (he feels) randomly as often.


  1. I just found your blog from Gracie Beth's. You are too cute! I'm following!

  2. Too funny. Classic you.